A-Z…This Virus is NOT Bigger Than Me

but it almost was

Well, hello there fellow hostages…how in the world are you?

That was a really dumb question…I know how in the world you are.

Same as me.

Bloody trapped in a really BAD Sci-Fi movie.

Like bad.

Like the kind you watched when you were 12 and showed the world in a doomsday kind of crisis in the year 2020.

Except we ARE in the year, 2020.

Right?

Well, at least I think we are, for crying out loud I’m not even sure what day of the week it is, much less the year.

Well, that’s a lie, it’s Sunday, August 2, 2020 and I’m still feeling a bit stuck.

Anybody out there with me?

Wait.

Is there anybody out there EVEN still with me at all?

Comment below and make my day if you are still reading my blog, because today’s post is for those of you out there still struggling.

Like me.

You know, when the pandemic first started, it seemed like someone was playing a really bad joke on us.

Cancelling school?

Working from home?

No toilet paper?

Wait.

We know that’s not a joke.

But why in the cat hair was there a toilet paper shortage to treat a respiratory disease?

I’m still stumped on that one.

And here we all are…20 weeks later…

Wait.

Has it been 20 weeks or 20 years?

Some days it feels like 20 years…some days it seems just like yesterday that the crisis started.

And for me…working from home took on a whole different meaning.

And it trickled all the way down to my blog.

‘Cept some days the trickle felt like a tsunami.

Right?

Remember when I started my new job in the fall? A job I really, really love?

Yeah…well, remember when it took precedence over my blog and I had to pump the brakes for a minute?

Wait.

Did I have to pump the brakes again when COVID shut the world down?

Yes, yes I did.

It was very hard to pump the brakes this time, let me tell you, because if you’ve ever written a blog, a lot of plotting and planning and writing goes into a blog with a consistent schedule.

And suddenly, I was working from home every day.

And it was very important to me to be able to manage my work and my job related duties, so I pumped the brakes once again.

And as it turns out, there ARE people out there reading my blog.

Not just my mom, my sister and my sister-in-law…who are really obligated to do it anyway.

And those same people started reaching out and encouraging me with comments like “get back to it” and “we miss you” and “we need you.”

It’s nice to be needed.

So, for the second time in a year….

I’m back.

For better or worse, richer or poorer, COVID or no COVID…

And with a lot of the summer still in front of us, I’m back with a lot of great content that you should really enjoy.

Operative word being “should,” same as “you should eat less carbs” and “you should exercise 30 minutes a day.”

Let me tell you, I have been exercising like a mad person and I’m still on the chubby side.

But, I do feel better.

Both mentally and physically.

Because let me tell you, the COVID had me down there for a minute.

Mentally.

Like paralyzed.

Stuck.

Scared.

Worried.

Like I was scared to death to go to the grocery store thinking the COVID was going to jump off a zucchini and get on me.

Or my family.

And then I was scared I was going to have to use leaves for toilet paper…and let me tell you right now…

I ain’t that kind of girl.

And then I spent three or four weeks scared because I was convinced I had the virus and ask Scott every 10 minutes to “check my forehead” for fever.

But I really think that was just my pre-menopausal self.

And then I was scared my parents would get sick, both with compromised health, and had my mom basically spraying everything from her mail to her groceries to her toilet paper leaves with Lysol.

Just kidding. She hasn’t had to use leaves…yet.

I wasn’t too worried Scott was going to get COVID because he only left the house to get on his lawnmower and I never heard of anyone getting the virus from mowing.

Well, it hasn’t come out yet, so do they really know if it can jump off the blades of grass and get on you?

But the King Kong of scared was the fear that one of my children would get COVID.

Yep. That’s the one that had me paralyzed.

My biggest fear through the years, since I lost my Samuel, is that something will happen to one of my children.

It’s the mountain I can’t seem to climb.

It’s the pothole I can’t seem to avoid.

It’s the quicksand that continually pulls me under.

And all I could think was that there was a virus that could hurt one of my children.

And I couldn’t do anything about it.

Except spray the groceries down with a gallon of Lysol and stay home.

Did I mention I felt like we were in a really bad Sci-Fi movie?

Now, staying at home wasn’t all that bad.

At first.

It was really kind of wonderful, having the family around the table for 3 meals a day.

Like some Norman Rockwell painting…there we all were, sitting around the table playing dominoes or standing in the kitchen staring at whatever it was we were cooking.

That was the height of our excitement, in case you were wondering.

Well, that and feeding my donkey.

But here we all are…20 weeks later and we are still lathering up in hand sanitizer like it’s bath water.

And staying home…for the most part.

And wearing masks?

Yes, yes we are.

And boy do things look different from behind this mask.

As I stroll through the grocery store.

Wait.

That’s a lie, I still run through the grocery store like I’m playing a supermarket game and I have 5 minutes to buy all my groceries or they will run out and I will be eating leaves AND using them for toilet paper.

But things do look really different, like it’s hard to tell if you know someone or not.

The grocery workers look tired and frazzled and I don’t blame them one bit.

And no one is smiling.

There’s no laughing or catching up with your neighbor in the fruit and vegetable section.

There’s no camaraderie in the deli or exchange of pleasantries in the dairy.

There’s just people rushing in and rushing out, some masked, some not, and a virus that is still out there that can hurt us.

Or worse.

It’s been…in a word…scary.

And it’s still scary, but I woke up one day about two months ago and I was tired of being scared.

I was tired of letting this virus dictate my mood.

Or keep me in the perpetual dumps.

I have a life to live, same as you, a job to do, a family to raise.

Well, except my son is kind of raised at 22, but sometimes he still needs my help.

And on this day, this day when I was tired of being tired, I turned my fear over to God.

Because nothing is bigger than Him.

He is already ahead of us, right?

He knows how this thing is going to end and I since I don’t work in a research hospital as a very smart scientist, I can’t cure it.

But I can try to prevent it.

And more importantly, I can stay in charge of my life, rather than let my fear of this virus be in charge of me.

So, let’s get back to it…for the second time.

Y’all still with me?

I hope so, because I really love blogging and I really love feedback and I really love writing.

And lucky for you, I also really love cooking.

Coming tomorrow…resurrecting our cooking through the alphabet with “K” and some “Knock Your Socks Off Cheese Dip.”

I just can’t talk about it.